Herbsman: Bumbling Robbers Gravely Injured by 8 Year Old

On the night of December 24, two robbers had decided to make a heist of the Christmas season. There prize was the McCallister residence on Lincoln. Ave, Chicago, Illinois. Unfortunately there Christmas cash grab was ruined by an unlikely hero, The McCallisters youngest child eight  year old Kevin McCallister left to defend his house all on his own. Today, we get to find out how he accomplished this feat with a personal interview with the young defender.

    Q: So Kevin you’re eight years old why were you home alone on a day like Christmas Eve?

    Kevin: Well, my family left to celebrate Christmas in Paris but they kind of forgot me?

Q: How did they forget you?

    Kevin: My family is pretty big it’s hard to keep track of all of us but they said they were sorry and just glad I was safe when they were gone.

Q: You almost weren’t safe can you tell us about what happened while you were home alone?

Kevin: Well I had a lot of fun being able to do anything I wanted but then those robbers came and tried to break into my house.

Q: You certainly handled them pretty well I understand you built some traps for them?

Kevin: Yeah I made a lot of traps to try and stop them from getting to me or taking anything. Like a heated door handle some paint cans that hit them when they came up the stairs, and some others things that made them slip and fall.

Q: Those are some pretty smart inventions for a kid your age where did you get the ideas for them?

Kevin: Mostly cartoons my favorite to watch is The Loony Toons with Road Runner and The Coyote.

We tried to get an interview with the burglars named The Wet Bandits also known as petty criminals Harry Lime and Marv Merchants. Unfortunately the two are in the intensive care wing at Northwestern Memorial Hospital being treated for multiple fractured and broken bones, 3rd degree burns, and severe concussions.

Update: After this story was released the Children & Family Services Department visited the McCallister residence and had a lengthy investigation on the well being of Kevin and other children of the family. A psychological test is going to be conducted on Kevin after hearing what Kevin did to the burglars. Information is yet to be released on Kevin and his family along with the bumbling burglars who picked the wrong house to rob.